


Good Man in a Storm

by along



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone else still works for the BAU, F/F, Fluff and Humor, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Or any fandom, Spencer Reid Works in a Diner, Spencer Reid is a Mess, Spencer's bestie is a lesbian and a little shit, and Has a Best Friend and they are cute, diner au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28367493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/along/pseuds/along
Summary: Spencer Reid works in a terribly named diner during his second and third Ph.D. What happens when there's a serial killer that brings the BAU to town? What happens when someone from the diner is targeted? What happens when Emily Prentiss wears sunglasses indoors, at night?Nothing good.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & Original Female Character(s), The BAU Team & Spencer Reid
Comments: 66
Kudos: 258





	1. I knew you were trouble when you walked in

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first work ever, and no it probably won't be good. I got really into criminal minds during quarantine and it's actually sad how little is written about Spencer and Derek. This is a little something I thought of that others might enjoy too. Yes, this chapter is named after a Taylor Swift song. No, I have no reason for the title of this fic. It was just sitting on a google doc with the name "title" so I thought this was just a slight step up.

Spencer Reid was having a fucking day. His day started like it usually would, nothing too out of the ordinary. He woke up, drank a lot of coffee, went to class, went to the lab, forgot to eat, and then went to his job. Today he just woke up frustrated in that way that made his clothes feel restrictive on his skin and his hair touching his face making him want to scream. The lights in his lab felt way too bright and his labmate’s attempted chatter grated on his nerves. So Spencer was having a fucking day. 

He knew exactly what this was because he dealt with it before and often, but his sensory issues were sometimes knocking him around and making him seem closed off to his social sphere. So on his walk to the diner, he put on his noise-canceling headphones and practiced his breathing, and worked on a mental math problem until his skin didn’t ache anymore. 

Spencer was working on his second and third Ph.D. in Microbiology and Chemistry. His first was in applied mathematics. He was doing a double major and he was doing it accelerated but he had laboratory and research requirements that he needed to accomplish with a certain amount of time working with faculty. He also had teaching requirements and that was always rough because he was not a good presenter and his jokes did not make his students laugh. He also was roughly the same age as his undergraduate students and that made it hard to feel like an authority figure. 

He worked at a diner that was walking distance from his school and apartment. He knew that with his scholarships he wouldn’t have to worry about paying for school or housing but his stipend was just enough for him and he technically had a dependent to take care of in the form of his very sick mother residing in a sanitarium in Las Vegas. So he got a job. He applied as soon as he turned 18 and he had been working at the  _ Storm’s End _ for the last two years. Spencer was now one of the co-managers of the little diner as the owner was actually not very active in the workings of the diner. He had started making the schedules for all the employees when he first started because otherwise, the schedule was a fucking mess. 

So while he worked part-time and waited tables, he also ran the numbers and supervised the employees with the help of his co-manager Joceyln. Yes, it was unusual but Spencer actually really enjoyed his job. It was a nice break from his school work and he made real friends at this job. Customers were a nightmare but you can’t have everything. 

When Spencer walked through the doors of the diner and took off his head-phones to the chatter and smell of the diner he instantly relaxed. He got some smiles and head nods from some of the employees. This was shift change time so a few employees would be finishing up their shift while their replacements lazed around at the bar and talked or ate something. Spencer was also planning on eating but it looked like Meg was dealing with an angry customer and he didn’t want to leave her hanging. 

He trotted to the back and put his satchel on the shared messy desk, put on his apron, and put his messy hair up. Then he went to save Meg. 

“Sir my supervisor just got here, you can speak to him if you’d like.” Meg was saying to a baseball enthusiast alone at a four-person booth. The nerve. 

“Look, your service today has been terrible, I just want a refund because I had to deal with your attitude. It’s not too much to ask.” The bearded man said. Spencer arrived at the table and cleared his throat. The man glanced up and snorted at Spencer’s  _ everything _ . That’s what Jocelyn usually said when he got this reaction.  _ They can’t handle your  _ **_everything_ ** _ babe.  _ It was strangely reassuring. It never sounded like Spencer was too much to handle, more like they just couldn’t handle anything ever. So Spencer shared a humorous smirk with Meg knowing Jocelyn’s phrase was running through both our minds.

The angry customer did NOT appreciate our shared smile. Maybe it seemed like they were laughing at him?  _ It’s almost like we were actually laughing at him.  _

“Who’s this twink? I want to speak to your manager! This is unacceptable behavior.”

“Sir, I am the manager,” Spencer says. Then he turns to his coworker. “Meg, why don’t you clock out? Maybe grab something to eat before you leave.” 

Meg looks so relieved that Spencer suddenly wonders if he was not the only one to have a fucking day. So he smiles at her and tells himself that he’s not jealous that she’s going to eat something and he’s not. While he deals with this customer, he sees Jocelyn arrive and he gets excited. He loves Fridays because it’s just him and Jocelyn and the cook for the night shift. This usually means only two customers all night and he and Jocelyn can just fuck around. 

Spencer finally gets the customer to agree to just a comped coffee, and he sees Jocelyn dealing with another customer so he decides to get some of his work done in the office so he can enjoy his shift. He runs the numbers and sends out some paychecks until someone clears their throat. 

Looking up from his spreadsheet to see his best friend leaning against the door with coffee, he makes grabby-hands at it and she laughs. Jocelyn is short, in contrast to his 6-feet height, with curly black hair she usually pushes back with a bandana, dark eyes, and immaculate fingernails. (she’s very proud of her fingernails). She’s Puerto Rican and she came here for university, she is a few years older than him in a masters program. As she likes to say  _ Not everyone is a genius like you babe.  _ While not a genius, she is incredibly smart and hard-working. She noticed him taking on the responsibility of a manager and decided to make them co-managers. It worked out well because he’s the numbers guy and she’s the only one who should deal with people. They became really fast friends.

“Hey babe, you look like you’re having one of those days. I brought you coffee.” Jocelyn says promptly before he starts in on his coffee.  _ I love this woman.  _ Spencer thought. “Have you eaten? The babies are about to leave but Meg said she’d cover if you needed to eat. Something about being her knight in shining sweater vests?”

“Ha ha” Spencer says sarcastically. Jocelyn likes to call their co-workers  _ the babies _ because she thinks it’s funny that Spencer is younger than some of the people he manages. “No I haven’t eaten yet but I can eat when it gets slow, on average around 8:36 pm.”

Jocelyn smiles and knows he’s actually done the math without asking. She’s the best thing that ever happened to him. She turns and says “Alright, come out soon so we can hang out, don’t leave me alone babe, people are especially stupid today.”

Spencer agrees and sets about finishing his spreadsheet. He is done around 8 pm and when he walks out with his apron back on, it’s to an empty diner and Jocelyn mop dancing again to Taylor Swift. He helps her finish cleaning without mop dancing thank you, Jocelyn,  _ the mop might stand me up next time once it sees my moves.  _ Spencer grabs something to eat from Jeff the Chef (he prefers to be called Jeffery but Jocelyn started calling him Jeff the Chef and literally no one crosses her). Around 2 am a group of professionally dressed people came in during an embarrassing slap fight Spencer was engaged in with Jocelyn to decide who gets to clean the toilets. The group is giving them some LOOKS so Spencer hops over the counter with  _ Finesse  _ (read: minimal flailing) and darts over to take their order while Jocelyn is yelling “This does not absolve you! You lost the bitch fight! You have to clean the bathroom!”

Spencer laughs “I’m with customers right now, it’s almost like you could be cleaning the bathroom..?”

The party orders their waters, coffee, and a weird assortment of burgers, and a solemn-looking man in a suit glanced at his name tag reading “Dr.Spencer Reid: Co-manager” like he can’t believe Spencer is a manager and acting this mature.  _ Wait until he sees Jocelyn’s badge.  _ Spencer thinks. Her badge just says manager because she doesn’t like people knowing her name. 

Spencer brings their orders to Jeff the Chef and leans against the counter. Jocelyn undoes his hair tie and tries to braid it then in a fit of frustration yanks it because she can’t braid.

“Jocelyn! You can’t braid for shit so stop trying!”

“How am I supposed to get better if I don’t practice?” She says around a smirk. 

“Practice on someone else, you and my hair need to take a break. Get some space, reevaluate your priorities in a relationship.”

“Your hair is breaking up with me?” She starts fake crying and tucks her head against my neck. Spencer rubs her back consolingly. 

“There there, it’s not you, it’s the hair…”

Jocelyn can’t hold in her laughter anymore and she leans against the counter as she snorts. Then she reaches up to tug at his hair  _ one last time  _ and he slaps her hand away. Only Jocelyn brings out this side in him. The side where he plays along with her bits and tries to make people laugh. He really likes who he is with her. 

The group’s orders are up and he brings them over with a coffee pot to refill their drinks. When he starts passing out plates he actually notices some of the group. There’s a blonde woman who is smiling at him, a brunette woman who is wearing sunglasses (at night? inside?), the solemn suit man, an Italian man with a perpetual smirking face, and a big burly black guy who has a very pretty face, and a very interestingly dressed blonde woman with glasses. Blonde with glasses is thanking me profusely and tries to grab Spencer’s hand eagerly. Spencer jerks back and he sees Jocelyn standing at attention in his peripheral vision. 

“Sorry, I don’t shake.” He says, his face lighting up with embarrassment. He only lets some people touch him. But he didn’t mean to be rude. The customer is waving his apology off but he doesn’t feel better so he smiles and walks back to his best friend. She is looking at him with sympathy but he shakes his head to indicate that he does not want to hold a pity party (which is something he actually does do with Jocelyn but usually only after bigger blunders than this). 

Jocelyn has decided to distract him apparently, but she decided to do it in the most embarrassing way possible? “So do you think they are assassins or..?”

“They are literally right over there, they can hear you!” Spencer stage whispers. But he has to admit that he is no longer thinking of the failed handshake. 

“I mean that girl with the sunglasses… at night? Indoors? Who has that kind of confidence? Someone who kills people that’s who.” Jocelyn’s voice is getting louder and louder and he knows it's because she wants him to respond so he sighs but squints at the group (they are pointedly looking at their food but smirking at each other so at least they are not offended).

“How many assassins do you know that eat dinner together at a diner at 2 am?” Spencer asks.

“I don’t know any assassins at all but is there something you want to tell me, babe?”

“Oh my gosh no, but I’d assume assassins don’t really socialize with each other since they are technically competition business-wise?”

“Oh, right good point. Buuut! Other assassins are the only people who truly understand the demands of the job which is a good friend-quality” 

The more Spencer looks at them the more he thinks they are legit FBI agents, which is making him nervous but he decides to announce his observation out-loud so Jocelyn can decide whether she wants to keep making fun of people with guns in front of them. “Actually they seem like FBI agents to me,” Spencer says but his tone is no longer joking and Jocelyn is looking at his expression and not asking for a reason because she just trusts him. He really loves this woman. 

“This is why you’re the genius babe. Well since I’ve decided to stick my foot in my mouth in front of people with guns it’s your turn to make conversation with me.” Jocelyn says but she doesn’t seem embarrassed so he pours himself more coffee and asks about her school work. 

Spencer does end up cleaning the bathroom on the condition that Jocelyn goes to clear the group’s table and have them pay. He is back wiping down the counter when the pretty dark-skinned man appears in front of him. 

“Good guess.” The man says, flipping his badge open to show the name, Derek Morgan. 

“It wasn’t a guess,” Spencer says blankly before Jocelyn is leaning over to read Morgan’s badge too. 

“It really wasn’t a guess my dude, what do you want?” she says rather rudely but Spencer knows she doesn’t enjoy law enforcement much and is willing to forgive her. 

Morgan is smiling and  _ oh my gosh _ is this man pretty. “Nothing big, calm down”

_ Uh oh.  _ People really shouldn’t tell Jocelyn to calm down. She’s opening her mouth to go on an enraged rant when Spencer puts his hand over her mouth. She glares at him and licks it and he’s squealing and rubbing it on her apron and Morgan is looking like he lost control of the conversation. Spencer got the feeling he wasn’t used to losing control. 

“Um, uh, okay. I work for the Behavioural Analysis Unit of the FBI. Have you been watching the news? There’s a serial killer in this area who is targeting women in their early twenties. I was wondering if you had seen a man like this” Morgan shows them a sketch. Jocelyn is already shaking her head but Spencer nods. 

“I saw a man who matches that picture about 85% three weeks, four days, and 36 hours ago. He came into the diner at approximately 6:56 pm and he focused almost entirely on Jocelyn even though Meg was his waitress.” 

Jocelyn grabs his hand but Morgan is looking suspicious. “That’s oddly specific. So this man was focussing on your girlfriend and you took notice?”

“No, well yes I took notice, but not because he was focusing on my girlfriend. Wait Jocelyn isn’t my girlfriend.” Spencer is suddenly flustered.

“Hey back off! If Spence says this guy was here then the guy was here, alright?” Jocelyn grits out angrily. 

“So you noticed this man as well?” Morgan askes. 

“No of course not. I don’t remember who was here a month ago! But Spencer has a good memory and he notices things other people miss. If he says that guy was here, I believe him. If he says that guy was looking at me, I know it’s true.” Jocelyn is staring this guy down which is humorous because he is roughly twice her size. “Is this man a suspect? Should I be worried?”

“Okay okay, no offense meant. We just usually do not receive such concise information. And this man is a person of interest as of right now. We have no evidence to suggest he is the killer, but he was seen by a witness leaving a building around the time of one of the murders. We just need to name of this man to clear him of suspicion.” Morgan says. 

“I was not his waiter so I never learned his name but you may have access to our records to identify this man if he paid with a card. If he used cash, we may not be able to help short of asking Meg if she remembers him.” Spencer says calmly. Spencer hands over the business card of the owner to have Morgan get clearance from him. Spencer then notices the rest of Morgan’s group watching the interaction from the door and he fidgets. “We are about to close up for the night. If you need any more help please let me know. We can get you in contact with Meg if need be. However, I will not bother her at this time of night and I cannot guarantee that she remembers anything.”

“Yeah get the fuck out so we can close,” Jocelyn says rather cheerfully. She has the habit of saying what Spencer means but in a much more concise way. “Even Jeff the Chef has gone home already.”

Morgan smiles at Spencer and says “It was a pleasure.” before turning and muttering “ _ Jeff the Chef _ ?”

Spencer can tell that Jocelyn is nervous so he suggests she stay with him tonight. She lives two bus rides away but Spencer’s apartment is only a ten-minute walk. She agrees and they close up the store together. 

“He was hot,” Jocelyn says as they walk through the autumn night. 

“You were very rude to him Jocelyn, but maybe he’s into that?”

“I don’t think I’m the one he was interested in!” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He watched you walk away every time you served them, and he looked relieved when you said I wasn’t your girlfriend.”

“I didn’t notice that.”

“Yeah, no shit babe. You’re pretty oblivious.”

“Um excuse me? I thought I had a ‘Good memory’ and that I ‘notice things other people miss’?? What happened to that huh?”

Jocelyn is laughing, “Just because you notice things other people miss doesn’t mean you notice things that other people notice!”

“That made no sense, you must be delirious. Let’s get you home, crazy lady.”

“I love it when you talk dirty to me” Jocelyn sighs. Spencer fake gags and gets hit with her bag in a fit of indignation. “You know I love you, right babe?” 

“I’ve always suspected it,” Spencer says around a truly beaming smile. 

“Did you just quote Gilmore Girls?”


	2. Long Story Short (it was a bad time)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Thank you to everyone who read and liked my first chapter! I love that!!  
> This is chapter two, hopefully, it doesn't disappoint. Again the title is Taylor swift, I'm sorry.  
> So I've decided to try and keep this fic from being super traumatic but I will mention any triggers in the notes and update my tags if I see anything sus.

So the thing about being a ‘genius’ was that it was lonely. Spencer Reid grew up alone, in literally every sense of the word. He was younger than everyone at school and smarter and he didn’t make it easier on himself. He didn’t pretend to be someone he’s not. He still doesn’t know if that was a mistake or not. 

Either way, his mother grew ill. His father grew absent. Even before his father left, Spencer was taking care of things. Without his father technically knowing it was Spencer who paid the bills on time. He just noticed that a lot of his parent’s fights centered around her diagnosis and if his father thought she was lucid enough to deal with the bills and the food and calling the repairman then maybe they would stop fighting. They didn’t stop fighting. 

So when his father leaves he doesn’t have many options anymore. It was: get his mother help and go into foster care or don’t get his mother help and take care of her himself. He chose the latter; it got pretty bad. Spencer remembers turning off the gas line every time he left the house  _ just in case _ .

Then he graduates and gets into university and he wonders if he can do that to her. But she always loved learning and wanted to make that happen for him so they made a plan. She would go to the doctor and take the medication and he would get a part-time job to pay for live-in help. He was worried she wouldn’t co-operate but they made it through the first Ph.D. this way. But then he hears that she accidentally burned herself and he tells the nurse that when she got like this he would turn off the gas.

The nurse said it wasn’t supposed to get like  _ this, Dr. Reid, I think you need to consider other options.  _ So when he turns 18 he gets his mother institutionalized. She was angry for a while but the structure and the routine actually improved her episodes so much that he was no longer feeling guilty. (Though he does feel guilty about only doing it now and not when his father left.)

When he tells this part of his story to Jocelyn she says “Wow you guys really pulled a long con.” and then gets weepy thinking about “Baby Spencer all alone! Taking care of everyone but himself!”

And they really did pull a long con, didn’t they? Spencer never hid who he was but he damn well hid how bad things got. He still doesn’t know if it was a mistake or not. 

But he’s not alone anymore. He has Jocelyn, and his mother, which is really all the people he needs. But he also has his co-workers at the diner and his labmates and the professors. If there’s one thing he’s learned about mental illness, it’s that it’s never better alone. 

So all the people he never connected with in high school can suck it because he tries now. He talks to his coworkers about how he hates customers, and his labmates about their research, and his mother about books, and Jocelyn about everything. 

Jocelyn really changed things for him. When Spencer first met her, she was already the manager for the diner and he walked in on his 18th birthday because he needed a job  _ right now.  _ Jocelyn wasn’t the one interviewing him, Terry the owner was in the office for once. When he was hired, Terry told him to see Jocelyn about his schedule. When Spencer saw the nightmare that was the shift schedule he asked to see what data she used to make it. Jocelyn showed him how the workers reported their availability and Spencer went through it and made a more efficient schedule. This time he included himself on the schedule as well. 

Jocelyn thought this was all very amusing until everything started flowing better. Spencer had everyone show up 30 minutes before the next shift ended to cover for people and he assigned people the title supervisor when no other manager was available. Spencer’s coworkers were enjoying the new schedule and Jocelyn reported to Terry how much Spencer really helped. 

One day Jocelyn hopped onto the counter he was cleaning and asked, “What else are you good at?” 

Spencer thought this was a rather vague question but answered nonetheless, “Math? I have a Ph.D. in applied mathematics. Science too I guess. I can read fast.”

“You’re a fucking doctor?” Jocelyn exclaimed. “What the fuck are you doing here?” 

“I am working on another Ph.D. and I have a scholarship, however, I have someone I need to take care of and the stipend only includes me,” Spencer says, almost word for word what he prepared for his interview. Jocelyn is now looking at him with interest, no doubt wondering what an 18-year old could have to take care of. 

“I am gonna make you a manager. You deal with the math for me, and the schedule and you’ll get a pay raise for this person you need to take care of. We’ll be co-managers and I’ll make you a name tag that says doctor Spencer Reid because everyone needs to know you’re a little genius.” Jocelyn states matter of factly. “We got a deal?”

“Okay...”

“Let’s shake on it.”

“I don’t shake.”

“Alright then.”

And the rest was history. 

Now Jocelyn is leaving his apartment on the Sunday after their “FBI Friday shift” together. (Yes, that is what they are calling it). They spent the weekend in their pajamas messing around his apartment. Spencer read a few books and played chess against himself. Jocelyn knitted him a  _ pajama sweater vest  _ because of course, she did. He wears it to bed on Saturday over his pajama set and it gives him a weird amount of joy. 

Jocelyn starts cackling when she sees him in it but she’s been knitting him progressively uglier sweater vests ever since they became friends. He wears them with a lot of pride because she  _ made  _ them. He actually only wore a sweater vest once to work (granted he wears them more often to his classes) and Jocelyn got such a kick out of it and then it became something he wore everywhere. 

But Jocelyn is leaving now to get ready for her date, Spencer wanted to walk her back but she was going to take the bus. 

“Tell me again about this date of yours?” Spencer asks as he helps her pack her things. 

“You don’t know her, but she’s actually taken a class that you taught.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Tell her I’m really sorry.”

Jocelyn laughs, “You’re really not that bad you know? She said you talked fast but you seemed super passionate about what you were saying. It was that microbiology class from last semester.”

“Is she an undergraduate? That class was mainly for undergraduates.”

“No, she just took it because it seemed interesting I think. She’s a public policy master’s student. So what are you doing now that I’m getting out of your hair?” She punctuates this statement by ruffling Spencer’s hair. He slaps her hand away playfully.

“I have to stop in at the lab, I’m trying to culture a drug-resistant strain of E.coli but it’s being difficult. Then I’ll probably go to the library for a while. Maybe stop at the diner for dinner?”

“Sounds boring but you do you, babe.”

.

On Monday, Spencer was trotting from his morning classes to the lab to check on his culture when he hears his name. Turning he sees a vaguely familiar face weaving through the crowd towards him. 

“Dr. Reid! Hey.” A young woman sighs as she reaches him and tries to catch her breath, “I’m Elle? I took your class last semester. I’m seeing Jocelyn?”

“Oh! Nice to officially meet you, please call me Spencer.”

“Nice to meet you too! Jocelyn talks about you all the time, I feel like we already know each other!” Elle’s smile drops a bit before she asks, “What happened last night? I’m a little worried and trying not to overreact.”   
  


“Last night? What?”   
  


“Yeah, I assumed when Jocelyn didn’t show that she was with you. She said you’re her emergency contact, so I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I hope she has a good excuse for standing me up. But I didn’t want to get angry if she was sick or something serious.” 

“She didn’t show up?” Spencer is suddenly very worried about his friend. It is unlike Jocelyn to stand up her date, it's more unlike her to not contact Spencer about it. Actually, now that Spencer is thinking about it, he hasn't heard from Jocelyn since Sunday afternoon.  _ Okay, breathe, I’m sure there’s an explanation.  _ “I hadn’t heard anything, but thank you for letting me know. I will try to get in contact with her.”

Spencer turns and starts wandering away lost in thought. 

“Tell her to text me to apologize!” Elle yells after him.

Spencer knows that if Jocelyn needed time alone because something terrible happened, she would have texted. Either way, her shift at the diner is about to start so he can try to catch her there or see if she calls in sick. When he reaches the diner he gets some confused looks because he’s not supposed to be working but he makes his way to the office and calls Jocelyn only to get her voicemail again. Spencer doesn’t see a replacement for her or a call out documented so, after an hour of no Jocelyn, Spencer packs up and sets off to the police station. On his way out he assigns Meg as the ‘Supervisor’ since both he and Jocelyn are out. 

Over the weekend, Spencer had learned more about the serial killer the BAU team was in town to catch. The killer is a middle-aged man who is socially inept (according to the BAU) who has been abducting women and keeping them for two or more months before killing them with a knife. Apparently, he keeps more than one woman at a time. 

Spencer is worried that the FBI have not found the man they spoke to him about, the man who was fixated on Jocelyn.

He knows that there is such a thing as confirmation bias and that there’s no evidence except for his worry, but Jocelyn isn’t here. She takes her job very seriously and she’s never this late without a call. He also knows he might be the only one who would notice. He may only have Jocelyn but he forgets sometimes that it’s the same for her. 

Spencer’s not going to keep her waiting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And Yes that is Elle! I was a fan of Elle so I wanted her to be here even if she's not on the team.
> 
> I wanted to include a very in-depth description of working in a micro lab because that's what I do! But it seemed irrelevant lol. I'll try to work it in somewhere. I know Reid technically never got a Ph.D. in Microbiology but it's like the only thing I can speak about without extensive research so I took the shortcut.


	3. Police Stations Suck (an essay by Spencer Reid PhD)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter 3! Spencer and Morgan interact once more!
> 
> I'm glad everyone likes Jocelyn!   
> Sorry, there isn't a lot of romance yet, this is probably going to be a slow burn.

Spencer Ried had arrived at the police station over 3 hours ago and he was getting frustrated. He specifically went to the station with jurisdiction for the case Agent Morgan had mentioned so he could be fast-tracked to the FBI team brought in to catch the guy. He was not fast-tracked. If anything it seemed like the police officers were stalling him, like they believed he was wasting their time. So here he sat, drinking bad coffee that has long gone cold and missing his shift at work. Spencer didn’t mind missing his shift for this cause, but he did mind that he wasn’t speaking to someone right now about it. 

The officer he was interacting with had left to ‘Verify his identity’ and was supposed to come back to take his statement. Finally, he saw officer Grant making his way back over and Spencer sat up in anticipation. 

“Well, Spencer Reid, looks like we are good. So, what were you here to report again?” Grant said as he sank into his chair. Spencer had just told the Officer his friend was missing! Making him repeat himself over and over is doing nothing. 

“I’m here to report my friend, Jocelyn Pulliza-Lopez, as a missing person.” Spencer said and paused to  _ hopefully  _ let that sink into the Officer before stating, “I believe she was taken by the serial killer the Behavioural analysis unit was sent to apprehend, though this is just a theory.”

“Well, wait just a minute, when did she go missing?”

“I cannot determine a precise time because I was not with her when she was taken, my estimate would be around 5:32 pm yesterday because that was the last time we had communicated via phone. She had a date but did not show up, her date contacted me this morning to ask if everything was okay but I had not been in contact with Jocelyn since before the date. Then she did not call out or show up to her shift at work so I became extremely worried. I went to her apartment but it looked like she hadn’t been there.” Spencer repeats himself.

“You went to her apartment? How do you know she wasn’t there?”

“I have a key to her apartment. I let myself in when there was no answer. Her backpack wasn’t there and none of her clothes were out, indicating she was not getting ready for a date. I did not disturb anything in anticipation that it would be investigated.”

“None of her clothes were out? You know her typical routine?” Grant grunts with suspicion. 

“Yes, I have been with her when she gets ready for dates. There's a whole thing.” Spencer says with exasperation. 

“You have to wait two days to file a missing persons report. Come back soon and we can help you. If you ask me, she just is taking some alone time, you seem like an over-bearing friend. None of my friends would notice if I didn’t go on a date.” Grant is becoming condescending. Spencer hates him.

“Sir, due to the nature of the serial killer I believed that time was an important factor in finding her!” Spencer grits out. 

“Calm down Mr. Reid.”

“This is calm, and it’s Doctor!” Spencer was  _ not  _ at all calm but when he shouted, his voice became higher and his words rushed together and it was so unlike the typical angry response that he could usually get away with shouting. Grant was eyeing him strangely and Spencer fidgeted.

“Reid? That you kid?” Spencer heard from behind him. Turning, he saw Morgan and his fellow FBI team members exiting a conference room. “What are you doing here man?”

“I am here to report my friend missing! Officer Grant is not allowing me to do so.” Spencer glanced at the Officer who had suddenly started shuffling his papers.

“He said she was only gone since yesterday afternoon so he needs to wait more time before he can-”

“I believe she was taken by the man you are trying to catch.” Spencer interrupted. He could tell he was making an enemy of Grant but seriously.

The blonde woman who didn’t wear glasses stepped up behind Morgan to say, “It’s a lead, we might as well investigate it.”

Morgan was nodding. “Yeah come on kid, let’s have a chat.” 

Spencer wanted to protest being called a child but someone was finally listening so he held his tongue. Spencer was led into an interrogation room and suddenly he knew he was a suspect. That rankled a bit, mainly because the more time they spent ruling him out, the less time spent on finding Jocelyn. 

Eventually, the blonde woman and the sunglass lady walked in and sat down. The blonde woman introduced herself as Jennifer Jareau or ‘JJ’. At least they don’t offer to shake hands. 

“And I’m Agent Emily Prentiss. Nice to meet you, Mr. Reid.” Sunglasses says. They were probably aware that he was a doctor, but they either want to see if this angers him or they subconsciously don’t think of him as a doctor and forget when speaking to him. The choice of agents interrogating him is also interesting.  _ Do they think I have trouble with alpha males? I mean they’re right but still. _

In the case that the team may have overlooked something, he decides to correct them. “It’s actually Dr. Reid. Thank you for speaking with me, I feel I was not taken seriously by Officer Grant.”

JJ and Prentiss share a look.  _ Ugh, shared looks are the worst.  _ Spencer fidgets and tries to keep his hands busy. JJ has him run through the basic outline he told Grant, Prentiss just listens which is unsettling. 

“Did you call her parents about this? Maybe they know something.” JJ says in earnest like she believes him and wants to call her parents. That cannot happen. 

“No. She and her parents are not on speaking terms at the moment.”

“Why do you think your friend Jocelyn was taken by the unknown subject?” Prentiss finally speaks.

“I do not know for certain. When Morgan came into the diner and asked about an old customer, I remembered him. He spent a large amount of the time focused on Jocelyn even though she was not his waitress. All I know for certain is that Jocelyn was taken. You may be wondering how I can be sure, but Jocelyn wouldn’t do this to me. She would know what I would do if she was just ‘taking some space’ as Officer Grant postulated. Her schedule does not deviate this much, and if it did, it was because of me.”

“How do you know that her date didn’t go well or she went to a bar and let off some steam? You seem to be very possessive of her time.” Prentiss asks leaning forward in her chair. 

“Her date approached me to ask why Jocelyn had never shown up. Jocelyn is not the type of person to stand someone up and not have an excuse. She also did not come to work for her shift. She is the co-manager so she would have asked someone to cover for her if she was sick.” Spencer feels pretty good at how he’s fielding these questions. None of the answers implicate him so hopefully, they can clear him and move on. 

Prentiss smiles at him and it’s gross. “Her date approached you? Did you get jealous seeing who she chose over you? Was he manlier than you? We understand, we’ve all been a little jealous.”

Spencer just kind of gawks at her. She seems kind of smug, but she really doesn’t know what he’s thinking. Now he has to out his best friend or continue being a suspect.  _ Well, it’s for a good cause. _

“Jocelyn’s date was a woman? Jocelyn is a lesbian. We are just friends. Although, yes her date looked stronger than me.” Spencer says. “And before you ask, no I am not romantically interested in Jocelyn. Jocelyn’s parents did not take well to her coming out and they are now estranged.”

Prentiss drops her faux understanding look to her hopefully real expression of interest. She plays this game really well. 

“If it would help, I can provide an alibi for Jocelyn’s disappearance and the other abductions.” 

The agents share a look again. JJ looks solemn, “That is an unusual thing to offer. typically, people are angry when we imply they are responsible. You are not reacting in a typical way.”

“I get that a lot.” Spencer contemplates his answer, before stating “I am not the usual person. I notice my best friend’s schedule by the second. Not because I am stalking her but because that’s what I do when I love someone. I learn their facts. Like I learn statistics, or math, or science. I don’t care if you need to eliminate me as a suspect, I just care that she gets home. Because I love her and I know the statistics.” 

JJ seems convinced and a little misty-eyed. Spencer watched Prentiss put on her sunglasses and  _ really? We are in a dark room!  _ It’s possible she is just masking her expression but he can see her mouth twitch like she noticed his exasperation. 

They take his alibi, mostly just his work schedule and labmate’s phone numbers. Eventually, they return with the apparent clearing of his name.  _ Yay.  _

As they escort him to the bullpen, Spencer notices a map through the conference room window. 

“That’s wrong.” And he’s frozen in place doing some mental math. “That’s extremely wrong.”

“What does this weirdo think he’s doing?” Spencer hears Grant’s muttered comment. Spencer ignores him. 

“What do you mean Spencer?” JJ asks, almost touching his arm before jerking her hand away. 

“Your geographical profile? It’s incorrect. May I?” Spencer asks but he’s already entering the conference room and approaching anyway. He vaguely notices that the occupants stop talking but, to be honest, he hadn’t registered that people were in here. “This map is wrong too. This is no longer the art building, it is now a museum. This road is no longer allowing traffic due to construction.”

Spencer pulls out his personal map from his bag and replaces the one on the board. He then starts mapping the geographical profile with some slight changes. He notices that they included Jocelyn but put her abduction site as the diner which would not have been accurate. He runs the math in his head to calculate the circle. “So this would narrow the geographical comfort zone of the killer to this circle.”

When Spencer looks up he notices more people than he had registered. Agent Morgan from the diner, solemn suit man, an Italian man as well as JJ and Prentiss. There's a strange long silence that has Spencer shifting uncomfortably. 

“You had a map  _ on  _ you?” Morgan asks with a judgemental expression. 

For some reason this makes Spencer blush. “I like maps?”

“How did you do that so fast? Is it right Garcia?” Solemn suit man asks. Solemn suit man is kinda glaring at him but his mouth is twitching. A voice comes to confirm his corrections from a speaker in the center of the table.

“You just walked in here and corrected federal agents?” the Italian man seems bothered by him. Not unusual. 

“To be honest, I didn’t notice you all in here? The map was wrong so I fixed it. I have a Ph.D. in applied mathematics.” 

“Rossi, maybe we should give the kid a chance to help. He could consult.” Morgan says.

“I am not a kid! I am twenty-one years old!” Spencer snaps before registering the rest of the sentence. “Wait! I mean yes I could consult. I could do that, yup.” 

Morgan rolls his eyes and JJ snorts. The team seems to be sharing weighted looks as if deciding without speaking. Spencer turns to solemn suit man because he is obviously the leader. 

“Solemn suit man, I promise I can help. Let me help.” And suddenly solemn suit man is legit  _ smiling _ . Like, laugh lines and teeth bared. Like, a real smile. 

“Did you just call me ‘solemn suit man’?” The whole team is laughing. Spencer lets out a few nervous chuckles. 

“I never got your name? I don’t know. Prentiss was sunglasses until she introduced herself.” Spencer hears Prentiss mutter something that sounds suspiciously like ‘I _ knew they bothered him.’ _ and he turns to glare at her. 

“Let me ask you this. Why did you direct your question to me instead of any other team member?” Solemn suit man asked. 

“I mean, you’re obviously the leader. Everyone glances at you before speaking and the voice on the speaker called you ‘boss man’ anyway.”

“I am Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. You have impressed me today. We will contact you about consulting. I am hesitant to let you help with this case because it is so personal for you. If we gave you some topics to research, could you report back to us?” 

Spencer nods and presses his lips together. Research is his  _ jam.  _ As Jocelyn would say. And suddenly he feels his expression become one of grim determination. 

Morgan reaches over and cups his shoulder. He does so with exaggerated movement and Spencer decidedly does not step away. “Welcome to the team kid.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to post a quick interlude chapter in Derek's POV because Derek is great. Stay tuned.


	4. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a little Morgan POV for you!

Derek Morgan was sauntering towards the office Garcia is using for the case. She came along for this case because she went to university in this town and wanted to visit with some friends after the case. She took the whole team to her favorite diner the other night and that was how they met the kid. 

They all watched the two diner workers carefully while they ordered and ate because the diner was smack-dab in the middle of the killer’s geographical comfort zone.  _ Or it was before the kid set us right.  _ Derek had watched Prentiss and JJ interrogate the kid but he had held up surprisingly well for such a young and socially awkward dude. He was smart, like crazy smart. Derek wasn’t sure if they even knew how smart yet. Derek remembered his friend Jocelyn saying “ _ yeah it’s not a guess my dude.”  _ Derek had the feeling that if this guy was the killer, they really would never catch him so they better feel grateful he’s not. His alibi checked out, and even better, the kid had offered them his alibi without being asked. Like he knew the whole time he was going to be a suspect. 

Derek could see the kid was in distress about his friend but he wasn’t reacting in a typical way, he wasn’t crying or getting angry. That made him a suspect for some people on the team. But Derek knew better because he remembered how the kid and his friend interacted. Derek had two sisters and Penelope was his best friend and he knew exactly what that relationship was just by watching Jocelyn tug at the kid’s hair. They were best friends, siblings, family. Derek could see it. It made him miss his family because he had that. 

_ And it’s looking like this kid and his friend never did.  _

The kid had gone home to regroup while the team discussed having him consult. Once the team finished debating, mostly just Hotch saying he had made up his mind and Rossi asking Garcia to at least do a background check, we had decided to give Reid a briefing of the unsub. Rossi wanted to be the guy doing the briefing because he seems to feel threatened by the kid. Derek found this extremely funny. 

“Hey baby girl, how’s it going?” Derek said in Garcia’s doorway. She glanced up with her fluffy pink pen and smiled sadly at him.

“Hey, my chocolate thunder. I’m doing some background research into the kid genius, per the bossman’s request. Derek. The poor kid. His dad left when he was young so it was just his mom and him. Fast forward to his turning 18 and he gets his mother institutionalized on her behalf because she was not in  _ sound mind.  _ And the doctor’s reports at the sanitarium are saying she hasn’t been well for a while. Like since the baby genius’s dad left. When he was 8. It looks like he had been taking care of her for a really long time. Until he went to college, which was actually when he was 14 but still.” Garcia rambles in distress.

“Oh wow. That’s messed up.”

“I know! I honestly don’t know what to do with it. Like it doesn’t have anything to do with passing his background check so I don’t have to report it. And it’s not like child services were ever called, probably in large part due to Reid.”

“Is anything else setting off red flags?”

“No, honestly he seems normal. Well, normal might be a stretch. He went to college at 14, got his first Ph.D. by 18, is now getting his second and third and working in a diner. And it seems like wherever he goes, things improve. Like the diner is doing better than ever, it looks like he’s managing the money and all their employees are being paid well above minimum wage, something it looks like he implemented. The diner’s reviews went up and they expanded their hours. When he left his previous Ph.D. program and came here, he wrote a letter to the faculty about changes that could be made to the program to improve the ‘mental health of the graduate students’ and the school actually implemented those changes for every graduate program. They posted the letter on their school website too, which is how I found it. It looks like he has a tuition waiver for both his current programs and a scholarship that covers living expenses. But I’m assuming he’s working in the diner to pay for his mother. He has health insurance with the university but it obviously doesn’t cover his mother’s stay at the sanitarium.” Garcia pauses to take a breath. “I don’t know, his credit card charges are kind of all over the place, he will not buy anything for a month and then spend over 1,000 dollars on Star Wars merchandise for no reason but that’s something I would do too. He really doesn’t seem to have any dirt.”

“Well, he might be our most impressive suspect yet.” Morgan jokes. 

Garcia spins in her chair to grin at him. “I see you’re quite taken with the good doctor.”

“What? I’m not ‘taken’ with him! He’s a kid! And his friend is missing. I just remember them from the diner and it reminded me of me and my sisters.” Morgan will not be thinking about why he is blushing. He’s a fully grown man. The cute kid is not making him flustered. No sir. 

“Oh yeah, they were so sweet together at the diner! I really wish this happened to someone else. Wait no, I didn’t mean that. It’s just. Why did it have to be them?” Garcia whines. 

“I know what you mean.” and Morgan does. He doesn’t often admit when he has thoughts like this but sometimes these cases hit too close to home. He’s here imagining what he would do in Spencer’s shoes. Usually, he is the one putting himself in the unsub’s place but he’s having trouble forgetting Reid’s determined grim face when he agreed to help.

“And he’s just so cute! Don’t you agree?” Garcia teases him. “He’s definitely bi! Him and his little sweater vests and glasses. He gives off bi vibes. You might even have a chance once the case is done!”

Derek sighs.  _ I mean she isn’t wrong _ . Except for one thing. “If we save his friend, that is.”

“Oh. Right.”

“I can’t believe Hotch is letting the kid consult though. I mean, I know I suggested it but I really didn’t expect Hotch to agree. He must be testing him. ”

“Yeah, we’ve never had someone random consult like this. Hotch must really want him on the team. I mean we really could use someone with his skills, and he seems like a natural profiler.”

Derek didn’t like that they were testing him during the kid’s personal tragedy but Derek would like the kid on the team. There was something about the kid that made Derek’s heart ache a little.

“Yeah, he is very smart. What he lacks in social graces he made up with sheer wits. He obviously has some trouble interacting with people but he seemed to catch on fast to Prentiss and JJ’s interrogation. He’d probably ace his profiling classes if he decided to join.” Derek mentions.

“If he wants to join. He could just be consulting for his friend. What if he has no interest in the FBI?” Garcia actually sounds worried. It seems like she’s already gotten attached. 

“We will just have to make him feel welcome and do our best to find his friend alive, we can save everything else for after we close the case,” Derek says and he feels his face fall into the same determined expression he saw on Reid. Derek always gives his best on their cases but this one is becoming personal. What was Hotch thinking including Reid in the investigation? 


	5. Play in the face of certain defeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So this chapter has Spencer going through two mild panic attacks, one at the beginning of the chapter and one at the end. I don’t really describe it in-depth but just so you know. I wanted him to confront his feelings in this chapter because he’s been running on fumes since his friend was taken. 
> 
> Also! I’m kinda describing my own panic attacks and my own coping methods, if ya’ll are experiencing anxiety I recommend “When panic attacks” by David D. Burns. Everyone is different though, stay safe!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Spencer Reid is a mess. 

He went home from the police station and saw a sweater vest that Jocelyn knitted him and slammed the door shut and proceeded to trash his apartment. 

He didn’t cry but he screamed and his face is red and his glasses fogged up and there are books everywhere. His clothes feel too tight and his breath is catching in his throat and he knows he’s going to have a panic attack if he doesn’t calm the fuck down. He starts listing things through his lumped throat, resting his head on his knees. 

“Five: sweater vest, books, my satchel, my desk, my mismatched socks. Four: traffic from the street, the hum of the heater, music from upstairs, doors slamming. Three: coffee, books, Jocelyn’s perfume. Two: my clothes, the carpet. One: mint.” Spencer recites before popping a mint in his mouth. This is his panic attack prevention method that grounds him to his environment, which is especially helpful with his sensory processing disorder. He names five things he can see, four things he can hear, three things he can smell, two things he can feel, and one thing he can taste. He carries mints around for this purpose. 

After a few moments of quiet breathing he stands and goes to shower. With his hair dripping wet he cleans his entire apartment, he disinfects everything until it was cleaner than before he threw his little tantrum. When he dresses, he puts the sweater vest that Jocelyn made over his shirt. 

Spencer tends to lash out when he feels out of control. When he has panic attacks, it feels like nothing he does makes a difference. But when he breaks a dish, it makes his stomach drop and reminds him that his actions still can have consequences. It doesn’t make him happy, it just kind of upsets him in a different way. 

He worries sometimes he’s just is a violent person, but he’s never hurt someone, and he always cleans it up as if nothing happened. When he was a kid he took a bat to a tree after a particularly bad day at school and then remembered that trees scar and feel pain. He pressed his hand to the tree’s new wound and apologized. Then he went home crying and his mom had decorated their house for Christmas, even though it was March. He told himself that he’d stop hurting other things, instead, he makes a mess of his apartment and only really inconveniences himself. 

With his apartment cleaned, and his head somewhat clearer, he decides to pack some essentials in his bag because he’s not exactly sure what ‘consulting’ means. He hopes they contact him soon, he’s not very good at sitting around. He throws in his favorite reference books just for fun and a change of clothes. Then he sits on the couch and researches profiling and the BAU. 

The chirp of his phone brings him out of his research spiral. He sees it’s a short text from Penelope Garcia, the technical analyst of the team.

**Unknown number** _ : You cleared your background check kid genius! Rossi wants to debrief you on the unsub and we are contacting Jocelyn’s girlfriend if you want to stand in on her interview. -Penelope Garcia The All-Knowing _

Spencer was not aware they were going to dig into his past but he supposes it makes sense. Either way, he’s out the door and on the bus to the station ten minutes later. Cops are looking at him while he trots into the conference room and he wonders if his face is still red from screaming. Agent Rossi is the only one in the conference room; he looks up when Spencer pushes the door open and motions for him to take a seat. 

“I want to prepare you for what we are dealing with here kid. You’ve never seen anything like this and I honestly don’t know why Hotch has decided to let you consult. You have to keep a clear head. Try not to imagine your friend in this, it won’t help.” Rossi says with a no-nonsense expression. 

Spencer takes a deep breath and just nods. Spencer is also unsure why he is being allowed to consult but he isn’t going to question it if he can help find Jocelyn. He also isn’t going to try to pass Rossi’s tests. Reid can see Rossi evaluating him and asking him to prove himself. Spencer is actually a really big fan of Rossi’s books and any other day he’d be excited for a chance to impress Agent Rossi. _ But today is not that day. _ Reid is here because he can help find Jocelyn, and partly because he doesn’t trust anyone else to find her (he has trust issues). 

“Our unsub is a man between 35 and 45 years of age, he is degraded in his personal life and presents as submissive socially. He feels emasculated. The choice of stabbing his victims also points to him being impotent. He keeps his victims for over a month before killing them. While being held captive, the women experience his rage. We believe they are being held underground because the ME report showed low levels of vitamin D in their systems and they don’t typically have good iron levels suggesting a poor diet. If he’s providing them with food, it’s not well-balanced. It seemed like most women found were anemic, with bound marks on their feet and sometimes their hands. He takes more than one woman at a time, they are most likely being held together.” Rossi hands Spencer the medical examiner’s report. 

Spencer is feeling sort of sick. Rossi may have told him not to picture Jocelyn like one of these women, but he sure did paint a picture of what these women experienced. Flipping open the report, Spencer finds himself asking, “Why keep them for so long? Is it possible this man is replaying a trauma from his youth?” 

Rossi finally cracks a smile, and it seems even proud. “Yeah, that’s our theory. We are having Garcia looking into news reports from the area and criminal reports from the ’80s.”

“Might I suggest she also look for recent incidents that may indicate the unsubs trigger? Why did he start killing now?” Spencer ponders after closing the ME report. The information is now burned into his head. 

“Actually, that’s a good idea,” Rossi says before calling Garcia and relaying the request. After he hangs up Rossi turns back to Spencer, “Look kid, you’ve been doing good. I think maybe Hotch was right. But just so you know, you aren’t an agent. You will, under no circumstances, be going into the field. You will be operating out of the station or your home and that is all.”

“I understand Agent Rossi. I am thankful for the opportunity to help.” Spencer is honestly not looking to go into the field. He trusts people like Morgan to do the shooting and kicking in doors. Unfortunately, Spencer does not trust other people to solve puzzles. And really, that’s what this is, isn’t it? Just another puzzle. 

“Just call me Rossi, kid. Do you prefer Dr. Reid or is just Reid fine?”

“Reid is fine. I only make people I don’t like call me doctor.” Spencer says. Rossi snorts and his eyes gleam with humor. Prentiss sticks her head in and pauses to raise her eyebrow at Rossi. Spencer is assuming Rossi was not a big fan of his. Prentiss must be surprised that Rossi has thawed a bit for Spencer. 

“Elle Greenaway is here for her interview, did you want to sit in Dr. Reid?” Prentiss asked. Rossi starts laughing and Spencer blushes. 

“She was quite rude in the interrogation room!” Spencer insists sheepishly. Prentiss looks confused but motions Spencer out. 

Spencer hears Rossi say, “You don’t have to explain yourself to me,  _ Reid. _ ”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prentiss and Spencer accidentally run into Elle in the bullpen. Elle was following Morgan and JJ towards the interrogation room but she stops when she sees Spencer. She tears up and her hand comes up to cover her mouth. Spencer is unsure what he is doing to cause this particular reaction so he starts forward uselessly before jerking back. Then he just stands in his spot and fidgets.  _ I’m doing great thanks, no further questions.  _

“You’re wearing the sweater vest she made you,” Elle says sadly. Elle reaches to touch his chest and she is projecting her movements and moving slowly so Spencer stays still. She smiles like she saw him debate it. Her fingers trace the design on his sweater vest. “I remember she spent months on this one. Whenever I asked who it was for, and who would wear a sweater vest of all things, she said her goal was to make you one that was so ugly you gag.”

Spencer smiles despite himself. “I legit only wore a sweater vest once and she started laughing so hard she almost collapsed. Ever since she’s been knitting me progressively uglier ones and nows it’s pretty much all my wardrobe. She just knit me a pajama sweater vest with little bears on it.” Spencer shrugs helplessly. 

Elle is laughing wetly. “Did you wear it?”

“Yeah. It was cute.”

“Of course you did. You know, she wanted us to meet?”

“Um. No, I didn’t know you were getting serious. She told me you had taken a class I taught last semester, I’m sorry by the way.” 

“Oh my god! Jocelyn said you’d say that! You were not a bad teacher, you just spoke really fast. But I remember one time you got so excited about, I think it was, Rocky Mountain spotted fever that you talked 15 minutes over the end of class.”

Spencer fidgets with excitement, “Okay but  _ Rickettsia rickettsii  _ is a wild bacterium! It’s in a nonpathogenic state in the salivary glands of the tick but it’s pathogenic in the human bloodstream! It’s intracellular! It wasn’t thought to be a bacteria for such a long time because it lives inside our own cells. It just goes to show you the brilliance of evolution when you imagine this bacteria evolving alongside ticks.” Spencer trails off when he notices people are staring at him but Elle is nodding like she gets it.

“You’re the reason I got an A in that class. It was really refreshing seeing someone so excited to talk about their field. I could just see the joy you had and it inspired me.” Elle says thoughtfully. 

Spencer blushes and presses his lips together. “Thank you. I wish we could have met again under better circumstances.”

Elle smirks. “When you get her back, she can reintroduce us. It’ll be our little secret.”

Spencer pushes his anxiety down and holds out his pinky. Elle looks  _ delighted  _ when she wraps her pinky around his. They were going to find her, there was no other acceptable alternative. He looks Elle in the eye and promises her with his gesture, both that they will find her and that they will keep this a secret. 

Prentiss clears her throat and startles Spencer. When he glances over she’s wearing sunglasses again. He actually grits his teeth and her lips twitch.  _ Ugh ugh ugh.  _

“Maybe we should get to the interview? Miss Greenaway needs to make her statement.” JJ interjects. 

Elle squares her shoulders and follows the agents into the interrogation room. Prentiss and Spencer meet Agent Hotchner behind the two-way mirror. Hotch nods at Spencer but does not greet him verbally. As they watch the interview Spencer feels increasingly uncomfortable hearing about Jocelyn’s relationship with Elle. Jocelyn had not disclosed much information about Elle to him but apparently, that was not the case with Spencer. Elle seemed to know about him, if the way she projected her movements before she touched him was any indication. 

He doesn’t know why Jocelyn didn’t tell him about how serious they were getting, but he is not angry. Spencer is just uncomfortable because Jocelyn should be the one to decide when to tell him herself. 

“If you were getting serious with Jocelyn, why hadn’t you ever met Spencer?” Morgan asks. The question that Spencer most wants to be answered but also the one Jocelyn should be answering. 

“Jocelyn was very careful with Spencer. Apparently, her past relationships were not very accepting of being a second priority. She didn’t want to make them part of his life too if they didn’t understand how important Spencer was to her.” 

“And it was different with you?”

“I didn’t have a problem with Spencer being in her life. When you hear Jocelyn talk about him, you know they are family. After I learned more about her family situation I was even happier she had Spencer. I mean, why wouldn’t you want the person you are dating to have a good support system? People are just stupid.” Elle is starting to really grow on Spencer, he’s glad Jocelyn found someone like her. 

“Did you notice anyone paying special attention to Jocelyn? Professors? Someone at work?” Morgan asks seriously.

“No, not that I can recall. But she did tell me she felt like she was being watched. I told her she was just imagining things but she started staying at Spencer’s place more often. I can’t believe she was right. If only I had done something before.” Elle says in distress. JJ reaches for her hand.

“You can’t blame yourself, there was no way you could have known,” JJ says but Elle has started sobbing and JJ moves around the table to give her a hug. 

When the interview is over, Spencer follows the team into the conference room again to watch them discuss ‘victimology’. Spencer is especially watching Morgan who seems to be advocating to visit Jocelyn’s apartment. Spencer doesn’t really know what to think about Morgan, he seems like someone who would pick on Spencer but so far most of his teasing has been good-natured. Morgan also exaggerates his facial expressions, making it easier for Spencer to tell he’s joking. Spencer has noticed Morgan’s  _ very serious  _ expression breaking and he looks at the ground and smiles fondly at random moments. Spencer is not sure what Morgan finds funny but he doesn’t mind the expression. It makes him feel warm. 

“Look, all I’m saying is the guy must’ve had a reason for choosing Jocelyn as well as the other girls. We need to get to know her, and what better way is there than visiting her place?” Morgan is saying. Spencer starts tapping anxiously on the table. If the team is going to Jocelyn’s apartment, Spencer has to go too. He doesn’t want them there alone.

Hotch nods and says, “Alright, we will all go.”

When the rest of the team stands up, Spencer stands too, only to have Rossi shake his head at him. 

“Where do you think you’re going,  _ Reid? _ ” Rossi asks. Spencer is unsure why he keeps emphasizing Spencer’s last name. Seeing Prentiss scowl to his right makes him think he’s not teasing Spencer, at least. 

Spencer squares his shoulders. “I’m going with you,” Spencer states hopefully with authority. 

“Oh no, you aren’t. You are not going into the field.”

“I can help! I can give you more information about Jocelyn than her apartment can, and I would know if anything is out of place.”

“Come on, Reid. You can consult from here,” Rossi says exasperatedly. 

Hotch shakes his head and interjects, “Let him come along. The whole team will be there, there shouldn’t be any danger.”

Spencer relaxes and smiles appreciatively at Hotch. “Thank you, sir.”

Rossi sighs and lifts his face to the ceiling. “Alright, Reid is coming along then.”

Spencer gives Rossi a hard stare and says, “It’s actually Dr. Reid,” before following the rest of the team out. 

“Aw come on! I take it back!” Rossi exclaims. Spencer starts snickering and the rest of the team share glances. 

“Alright fine, call me Reid. But you’re on thin ice.” Spencer jokes awkwardly. He and Rossi share a conspiratory smile. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer hasn’t wanted to really think of how lost he is without Jocelyn. But moving through her empty apartment, watching the team of FBI agents pick her life apart, it’s all he can think about. Spencer isn’t really contributing to the team’s investigation at the moment, he’s just walking around touching her stuff. Picking up pictures and looking at his own smiling face next to hers. 

He didn’t know her apartment was so telling. Didn’t know what it really said about a person. 

She’s a serious student, they say because her desk is well used. She grew up in a strict household, they say because her bed is made. She has ADHD, they say because they find her fidget devices and read her journal. She was worried about something, they say because she had added a lock to her door with her own money. 

He wonders what they would see at his apartment. If his trauma is painted into his apartment like Jocelyn’s is.

He and Jocelyn had movie nights here sometimes. She keeps ginger ale in the fridge for him, and there's a jar of Nutella in the cabinets with his name on it and a note  _ Spencer’s - do not eat (he gets cranky). _ Even in his childhood home, he’s not sure there were this many pictures of him. 

Spencer shuffles over to her keyboard and plays a few notes. He uses one hand to play a melody he heard Jocelyn play a lot, ‘Claire de Lune’. 

It seems his melancholy had not gone unnoticed by Morgan. 

“You can play the piano?”

Spencer glances over and shrugs. “This is the first time I’ve played it. It’s just math.”

He sees Morgan take that in, ponder answering, and then decide to move on without commenting. 

“Look, kid, we aren’t here to judge her, we just want to get her back alive. All that we are learning about her is important for finding this guy. Everything he does shows us who he is, little by little, including why he took her.”

“I know. Really. It’s just being back here is hard.” Spencer shrugs again.

“I’m sure it is. If you ever need to talk-”

“What’s that?” 

Spencer’s song cuts off sharply making the rest of the team look over. Spencer climbs up on a chair and reaches up onto the shelf. He lands back on the floor clutching the offending device. 

“That’s a camera!” Morgan takes the device from him and inspects it. 

The sound for notification goes off on Spencer’s phone and when he looks it's for his school email so he unlocks it to take a look.

**Dr. Spencer Reid,**

**I know who you are. I know where you are.**

**Stop looking for her. She’s mine now.**

**You don’t have to die too.**

Spencer inhales sharply and at Morgan’s concerned glance, he shoves his phone at Morgan too so he doesn’t have to explain. Then he sinks to the floor and puts his head on his knees. 

_ Five, four, three, two, one _

_ Five, four, three, two, one _

_ Five  _

_ Four  _

_ Three  _

_ Two _

_ One  _

He digs through his pockets to shove a mint in his mouth. When his ears stop ringing he realizes he’s mumbling the numbers out loud. 

Morgan is on the floor with him. He’s just holding his hand out, looking grim. Spencer grips the offered hand with all his strength. He sees Morgan wince and Spencer’s stomach twists like it did when he hit the tree with the bat. When Spencer loosens his grip some, Morgan’s expression melts and he smiles at the floor fondly. 

The other agents are calling Garcia and talking in clipped voices to each other. 

Morgan is taking exaggerated breaths in and out, like he’s showing Spencer what to do. So they just sit on the floor, holding hands and breathing.

_ Five _

_ Four _

_ Three _

_ Two _

_ One _


	6. The rest is merely tenacity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sorry this is late-ish. I usually will update much faster than this! This chapter was hard to write but also I had some health problems to deal with. Nothing serious tho!
> 
> "The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." -Amelia Earhart 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

More so than before, Spencer felt like the rug was tugged from his beneath his feet.

Honestly, though, the team of FBI agents were just being dramatic. He’s sitting on the floor, just kind of looking up at the team act like drama queens and argue with each other.

They wanted to assign Spencer _bodyguards._ Bodyguards! 

“Bodyguards? No, not happening.” Spencer interjects in the team’s loud debate. They were discussing what to do with him but he was right here!

Morgan whips around to fix him a _look._ Okay, so it’s maybe happening, Morgan seems very worked up and Spencer does not want to go to bat with him. 

JJ is trying to be the mediator with everyone shouting which, from what Spencer knows about her, is very on-brand. 

“What if we just have Spencer be assigned someone from the team? That way, it’s not a total stranger and we won’t have to worry about him.” JJ is the voice of reason, no one can convince Spencer otherwise. 

Spencer raises his hand and says, “I vote for that option.”

Rossi is giving the ceiling another exasperated look, Hotch seems to be getting a headache and is pinching the bridge of his nose, Prentiss is still on the phone with Garcia about tracking the webcam’s video feed, but Morgan looks thoughtful. 

“It could work..” Morgan went from holding his hand on the floor and helping him through a panic attack to a tiger pacing around its cage before feeding time in less than thirty minutes. He’s tensing his muscles and clenching his jaw and using his words to strike at his teammates when they disagree. This is actually what you expect Morgan to act like when you first meet him, his actual charm and general good-naturedness were the real surprises. 

But still. The Duality of Derek. Spencer snorts at his own joke. 

Now everyone is looking at him again. 

“What’s so funny, Reid?” Morgan asks. He’s sort of softened his posture since glancing at Spencer, so at least the embarrassment was good for something. 

Spencer blushes but says, “Nothing! Can everyone just stop yelling? And can we get out of here?”

They are still in Jocelyn’s apartment for some unknown reason. But, since the team has made it clear that Spencer doesn’t really have a say in their bodyguard plan, the least he can control is his environment. He chooses any environment except this one. 

Spencer struggles to stand up off the fuzzy purple carpet, _really Jocelyn? Fringe carpets?_ To find Morgan’s hand outstretched. Since Morgan is no longer snapping at people and seems to have relaxed some, Spencer decides it would be okay if he took the hand up. The result of this internal debate, though, must have looked like Spencer sitting on the ground staring at Morgan’s hand for a full minute. Everyone has looked away by the time Spencer is actually off the ground and releases Morgan’s hand. 

“I’m okay with someone from the team shadowing me, or whatever, but I need to handle some things before I can help research with you at the station.” Spencer has decided to ignore everything anyone does forever. Or at least until Jocelyn is back. 

Agent Hotchner is professionally glaring at Morgan, but again, Spencer is ignoring these clowns. So what does he care? 

“JJ, you’re with Spencer. Reid, you may want to pack a go-bag if you can, we may have to find you somewhere to stay beside your apartment. We didn’t know the unsub was this organized or did this amount of surveillance.” Hotch says with his usual authority. Morgan seems irritated and goes to object but JJ already has Spencer out the door.

“Okay, see you guys at the station!” JJ exclaims over her shoulder as she frog-marches Spencer out of the apartment. “Sorry about them. You must be feeling so overwhelmed right now-”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” Spencer interrupts. Spencer has this thing, that when people empathize with him, he’s instantly in tears and he’d like to avoid that until absolutely necessary. JJ seems a little caught off guard and he really wasn’t trying to be rude but he doesn’t want to do this right now. She must read it on his face though because she nods at him.

“Where to first?” She asks as they reach the car. 

“I need to check in at the lab. Then the diner. Then my apartment to grab my things.” 

The car ride is silent but Spencer doesn’t mind. He looks out the window and plans. 

When in doubt, Spencer plans.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Is this the right building?” JJ asks for the tenth time. 

“Yes, you’ve asked that more than once.”

“It’s just not what I pictured your lab building looking like.”

They are standing outside a modern building with strangely tilted staircases and floor-to-ceiling windows. If Spencer was to guess, he’d say she was expecting a basement and flickering fluorescent lights and one emergency shower. In all fairness, there is an emergency shower in his office but he thought it was neat at the time. 

He works with his faculty advisor on their research, but he also has a small office in this building that he does most of his work out of including grading papers, drinking coffee, answering emails, and maybe writing his dissertation. When Spencer pushes the door open to his office he notices his “to-file” stack of paperwork has risen dramatically and there is a faint aroma of stale coffee and a rotten banana. 

He looks sheepishly at JJ. “I haven’t been here in a few days, it’s kind of a mess.” 

But she’s smiling at him and shaking her head. “No worries, I’ve seen worse.” 

Spencer tucks his hair behind his ear and sets his satchel on his desk. Then he dons his lab coat and fusses with his sweater vest. When he looks back up, JJ is sliding her phone back in her pocket so she must have been checking for news. 

“This will only take a few minutes, I’m just going to recruit one of my labmates to do this paperwork while I’m gone, and tell my advisor that I need to take some leave. Do you want to wait here?”

“No, I can’t let you go in alone. Let’s go.” JJ ushers him out of his office. Then they take the elevator to the basement. They walk under flickering fluorescent lights and Spencer smirks at her.

“Not what you expected?” 

“No, this part is exactly what I was expecting.” JJ laughs. 

Spencer swipes his badge over the reader to let them both and he sees JJ cough and cover her nose and mouth. That’s the one thing no one tells you about a microbiology lab. They stink. Spencer snickers but stops when he almost bumps into James. 

James is carrying a box of supplies and almost drops them when he sees Spencer.

“Spence! Oh my god-damn it!” James dropped the box. “I thought you had died. That’s literally the only reason I could think of that explained why you weren’t here. You’re always here. Dude, what the hell?” 

“Hello, James. Thank you for the concern but I do not wish to share.”

James is nodding, “Yeah, yeah. You know I got a call from the FBI about you, did you do something man? If you did you have to tell me _before_ they call so I know what to say.”

Spencer glances nervously at JJ, who just seems amused. “He’s joking! James!”

James laughs and directs his next statement towards JJ. “When he gets all formal on you, you just have to poke fun for a little while and then he squeaks a bit but he remembers he’s talked to you before. Works every time.”

“Good to know,” JJ says. That traitor. 

Spencer pinches the bridge of his nose. “James. I need to take some time off work, I’m helping the FBI with a case. Can you cover for me?”

“Ho ho! The FBI wants the whiz kid to help on a case? Good for you man! And sure, I could cover for you. I’ll recruit the others too, so someone is always covering your shift.”

“Thank you, James. This means a lot to me.” Spencer is actually getting choked up.

“Aw Spence, don’t worry about it. I know you don't like to ask for help, so when you do I know it's big. You go get ‘em’.” James nods his head toward their advisor’s work area and makes himself scarce. 

James was always an easy-going fellow, so Spencer took him at his word and turned to Dr. Marco Hartly. Hartly is a brilliant but scatterbrained professor at the university, most of Spencer’s work with Hartly is to organize the lab because he just wouldn’t get anything done. Hartly’s ideas are innovative though, and he allows almost complete freedom in the lab which is why Spencer decided to have him as his advisor. Spencer doesn’t need as much supervision as other people may need during their dissertation.

Hartly glances up from his microscope briefly to nod at Spencer but is soon looking at the scope again. “Hello, Dr. Reid.”

“Hi, Dr. Hartly. It’s good to see you, I’m sorry I haven’t been here for a few days. I’ve had somewhat of a family emergency.” 

“Oh, I didn’t notice.”

JJ is trying to share an exasperated glance with Spencer, but this really works in his favor so he’s not going to complain. “Ah, right. Well, I need to take some time off to help the FBI with a case. I just came to let you know.”

“Hmm. The FBI? If you need to use the lab for the case go right ahead, just don’t tell anyone.” 

“Right. Thanks, Dr. Hartly, also the light isn’t on for your microscope?”

“Hmm. You’re right!” 

It’s possible Dr. Hartly has earned his bad reviews from students honestly but whatever. Spencer motions JJ out of the lab and they retrieve his stuff from his office. While he is taking off his lab coat he gets a text message. It’s from Garcia again.

**Garcia:** _OMGGGGjngsungjkhn you look so cute in a lab coat!_

“How did she get my number? Wait, how did she see me in my lab coat? JJ!” Spencer turns to her with an accusing glare.

“I sent a picture to the whole team. For security reasons.” JJ unapologetically _lies_ to his face. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s kind of strange having someone follow him around, even if they are an acquaintance. It just seems weird. JJ is making an effort to act less like a bodyguard and more like a bored babysitter so that makes it better. Maybe. 

Well, it doesn’t make it worse.

Spencer checks in with the diner, they are all worried about Jocelyn but he just changes the schedule around and assigns Meg as the new shift manager until further notice. She’s earned it and she complimented his sweater vest once so she’s obviously a good person. 

Then they are off to his apartment. He sees JJ gaze around curiously but ignores her in favor of packing his bag. He grabs extra clean clothes and his own blanket in case he needs to sleep on a couch somewhere. And more books. Oh and a toothbrush. 

“You have a nice place! Clean but organic, very cozy.”

“Thank you, I’m ready to go to the station now.” Spencer and JJ leave his apartment together and while he’s locking his door, JJ takes his bag. “I can carry it.”

“Let me lighten your load,” JJ says, then grimaces when he stiffens. “I just mean- You’re handling things really well. But I know it must be hard. And having to work with us during the case... I don’t know.”

“I know it seems unusual to other people, that I’d rather walk around all day and get people to cover for me than work the case or even sit and worry. It seems too practical. I know what it must look like.” Spencer starts down the stairs before JJ so she can’t see his expression. He doesn’t take elevators unless forced. 

“No- well, yes it seems really practical, but. People don’t know how they are going to react to things like this until it happens. And let me tell you, as someone who deals with people on their worst days, not everyone reacts as well as you have.” 

“That’s good to know at least. I am not trying to be practical, per se. I just want to control the things I can control. I might be more similar to agent Morgan than I previously thought, it’s all about control. I put myself in positions where I have control. At the diner, I became a manager and I had more say in how things went. I chose my dissertation advisor to be very scatterbrained so I wouldn’t have to cater to anyone else's research. And when my best friend goes missing, I’m consulting with the FBI and spending less and less time thinking about anything but _control_.” 

“But Spence, Garcia told us how you make things better wherever you go! You’re not taking control for personal benefit. The diner is breaking even because of you! Without you, I’m sure that professor would have lost his job by now. And I think it’s incredibly brave, what you’re doing for your friend.” JJ’s speech ends with a slam of the car door and they both buckle up.

“That’s nice of you to say, though I’m not sure how much of it is true.” 

JJ turns to him at a red light and gives him a searching look. “Believe me, Spence, you’re a remarkable person.”

It seems JJ has picked up calling him ‘Spence’ from his labmate and coworkers. Spencer finds he does not mind so much. He reaches over to tap her knuckle on the steering wheel because he wants to show her that she’s earned his trust without saying it out loud. JJ’s smile is blinding, and she _understands_. 

“You might be the nicest person I’ve ever met.” Spencer exhales with a shaky breath and leans his head back on the seat. Everything about today has sucked. It’s nearing nightfall and it’s barely been one day without Jocelyn. It feels like it’s been longer. 

JJ gives him a concerned glance before cheerfully asking, “You know what? Let’s stop for donuts. Nothing seems so bad after a donut.”

“As long as there’s also coffee.”

“And Cheetos!”

“Ugh, who raised you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Spencer and JJ bond. I finally get to describe the micro lab. and Spencer gets donuts.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!


	7. Fly, You Fools!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Omg! Thank you to everyone who commented and whatnot, it makes me so happy!
> 
> This chapter is probably a mess, my bad, but I had just watched return on the king and I was super emotional about Samwise Gamgee okay? leave me alone.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

  
  


When JJ and he had arrived, they placed the donuts on the conference table along with the various snacks they brought, only to have the team fight over who got what donut. Agent Prentiss seemed the most likely to get what she wanted because she was threatening bodily harm to anyone who touched the sour cream glazed. JJ had been right when she suggested grabbing their favorite donuts in the car for themselves. 

The team had bounced ideas off each other and worked the “profile,” which mainly seemed to include restating facts that they could all read for themselves out loud. Spencer decided to use the time to watch the individuals on the team. 

Morgan, the agent Spencer notices the most (for no reason whatsoever, shut up), seems to be putting himself in the unsub’s shoes. He’ll start sentences with “So I’m watching this girl-” or “how would I grab them off the street?”. Spencer has a vague feeling that Morgan’s ability to put himself in the place of a killer is incredibly telling. Of what, Spencer has no idea. 

But Spencer knows that Morgan is not on the verge of a violent killing spree himself. Morgan also has the ability to put himself in Spencer’s shoes and anyone’s place that he crosses paths with. Trying to sympathize with Spencer at Jocelyn’s apartment, helping Spencer through a panic attack, and generally not pushing Spencer when he doesn’t want to be pushed all show this. Spencer has noticed how empathetic Morgan is and is actually concerned for him considering his job. How does it not affect him? Being surrounded by all that pain and death and looking it right in the face. 

Prentiss, on the other hand, does not seem affected by anything at all. She doesn’t put herself in the unsub’s shoes, or the victims’, or in anyone’s shoes but her own. She adds unique insights to the discussion, but without any feeling. That’s not to say that she is a cold person. Prentiss makes jokes with Morgan, makes an effort to include Spencer in the discussion, angles her body towards JJ at all times, and praises Garcia over the phone with real fondness. 

(If Spencer had to guess, Prentiss was once in a situation in which lives depended on her not feeling her feelings. And now she is actively trying to feel them, but it’s different. But that’s just a theory.)

JJ is an open book. Her every thought is about the victim or the victim’s family. She has a bleeding heart, and suddenly, he knows why they get along. Spencer, though he tries to change it, has a bleeding heart too. He builds walls around it, uses logic as a defense mechanism, and manipulates conversations with skill people don’t expect him to have. But he and JJ are kindred spirits. 

Spencer just chooses who he bleeds for more carefully than JJ does. 

Rossi seems to be relating this case to his past, to every case he’s worked before. Agent Rossi has history on his side, and he uses his breadth of knowledge to gently direct the team to and from topics like a professor waiting for their student to catch on. He seems mostly content to watch and listen. 

Hotch is much the same. He’s there to facilitate the team’s discussion, not solve the case. Every new addition brings a proud not-smile to his face. Like he watched them all grow up.

Hotch has also been observing Spencer very closely during the discussion, making Spencer self-conscious.

_Should I be adding something to this?_

Spencer is about to open his mouth and comment on the wind chill on the day Jocelyn was taken (because he can’t think of anything else to add) when Hotch’s phone beeps. 

“Hotch.” He says into his phone before his face turns grim, and he hangs up. “He’s taken another girl.” 

Spencer notices that the team lets the silence hang briefly, like giving the girl a moment of silence. Remembering her before she’s totally gone. 

But then Hotch is barking orders. “Morgan and Prentiss, you go to her family. Rossi, take JJ and investigate her apartment, look for bugs like Jocelyn had. I’m going to talk to the police officer who filed the report. Are you okay to consult from here, Reid?”

“Yes.” 

And the agents file out. Morgan stops to give him a sympathetic glance. 

“You okay, man?” Morgan asks carefully. 

Spencer swallows. He doesn’t want to admit that he had a horrible thought. He keeps his gaze on the table. 

“Spencer?” Morgan sounds more concerned than before. 

Well, if Spencer had to tell anyone, it might as well be Morgan. Morgan will try to understand. “I just had a terrible thought. I already regret it.” 

“What is it, Pretty Boy?” And that nickname is _new. What the fuck._ Spencer blushes. “You can tell me anything. Trust me, we’ve all had terrible thoughts.”

“I was just thinking. I’m. I’m glad that Jocelyn isn’t alone anymore.” And Spencer meets Morgan’s gaze anxiously. Spencer feels like he’s going to cry, and Morgan looks surprised. Spencer waits for Morgan to get angry, but he just sighs.

“We’ve all had that thought. Sometimes, the only way to catch an unsub is for him to hurt another person, and when he does, we are all just a little glad that was have new leads. But your thought is a little more understandable than that. She’s your friend. Of course, you want her to have whatever she needs to get through this. That doesn’t make you a bad person.”

Spencer fidgets and nods and bites the inside of his cheek. He fixes his gaze at the table again nods once more. Morgan eventually leaves Spencer to his crying. 

  
  


\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three cups of coffee, four donuts, and one bag of Cheetos later, Spencer is sitting in the FBI conference room alone flipping through one of the many books he brought with him. 

He edited the geographical profile when Hotch called to give him more details. Apparently, this girl also worked in customer service. Was the unsub refining his type, or was it a coincidence?

Spencer runs through what he knows again. The geographic comfort zone is downtown, mostly student and low-income neighborhoods. There is a definite preference for young women. The unsub needs access to the apartment’s if he’s planting cameras. 

_Did Jocelyn have a repairman over? Did the landlord let someone in thinking they were friends?_

Spencer hears the rapid click of high heels coming his way. The infamous Penelope Garcia pokes her bespeckled head into the conference room. She notices him, and she grins excitedly. 

“Finally! We’re alone!” she then trots forward and grabs a donut. 

“Did you mean me and you or you and the donut?” Spencer asks ruefully. 

Garcia snorts. “You’re so full of surprises, 187. Who knew a genius could be so funny. Oh, wait, I’m a genius and I’m funny. It’s nice to officially meet you; I’m Penelope Garcia, resident tech genius and all around sexy lady.”

“I’m Spencer Reid. It’s nice to meet you too.” 

“So, Spencer, I want to be your best friend. Tell me everything! Spare no detail!” Penelope seems very excited, but the question is so vague. Spencer just shrugs. “What? Nothing to say?”

“I’m good at math. I have a Ph.D. in applied mathematics.” Spencer answers for lack of anything else to say. 

“I know that! I know all your basics. I did your background check. I want to know what makes you tick. Morgan’s been hogging you!”

Spencer breathes deep through his nose. He’s an inherently private person. She already knows about his mother in all probability. What more could she want? 

But there’s something about her that reminds him of Jocelyn, so he decides to play the game. “I like to play chess, but I beat everyone I play with, so I play against myself.” 

And then he waits. Garcia is looking at him expectantly until he gives her an impatient huff. Then her eyes go wide, “Oh! Um, I have figurines and action figures on my desk at work to make it more whimsical.”

Spencer smiles. “My favorite chess opening is the Queen’s Gambit because every time I did it, Jocelyn would yell ‘Yass Queen.’” 

Garcia laughs. “In high school, my nickname was the Black Queen because I was super emo after my parents died.”

“Better than my nicknames in high school. I have been kicked out of every casino in Vegas because I was caught counting cards.”

“Trying to win your college tuition? I am pansexual.”

“Trying to pay the bills. I am bisexual.”

“I love plants, but I have yet to own a plant I haven’t killed.”

“I went as Anakin Skywalker for every single Halloween until I was too tall to trick-or-treat without a child to escort. It was actually why I grew my hair out.”

“Oh my god. I was actually arrested for hacking when I was recruited for this team.”

“I was never arrested, but I once mailed a raw steak to a bully’s house. It had turned before it was delivered, and his friends said he opened it on his bed because he thought it was an Xbox game.”

“Oh my god! That’s cold! That’s actually terrifying. Were there maggots?”

“Maggots and a really bad smell. Probably teeming with bacteria. I only did it because he was trying to blackmail me!”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Spencer. Bullies are the worst. What was he blackmailing you with?”

“They had taken pictures of me tied to a goal post, naked. I was like 13? The bully was 16, but I figured my move was so unexpected that he’d back off. Plus, I was having panic attacks at school at that time, and people were calling me crazy. I thought I’d lean into that a bit.”

“Oh my god. That bastard! Tell me his name, and I’ll ruin his credit score.” Garcia is tearing up. Spencer starts waving his arms around to dismiss it. 

“It’s okay-”

“I think the rotten steak put that kid in his place well enough, baby girl.” Morgan interrupts. Spencer looks to the doorway to see Morgan’s frown and Prentiss sliding her sunglasses back on. 

“Oh hey, handsome. And what do you mean? Spencer was just a baby! This bastard deserves some bad karma.” Garcia actually stands up like she’s about to do it _right now_. 

“Sweetness. Don’t do it from your work computer. Also, don’t tell anyone at work what you’re doing so we have plausible deniability.” Morgan says with exasperation. Apparently, Morgan has stopped convincing her not to do it and is telling her how to do it better?

  
  


Garcia blows him a kiss and sits back down. 

Spencer shakes his head but asks, “What did you guys find out?”

Prentiss takes her sunglasses off and sits down with a grim expression. “Her family said she had run away with her boyfriend when she was 16; they told her if she did to not come back. They were under the impression she was still with him. But when we interviewed the friend who reported her missing, he said that she was single.”

“So both Jocelyn and this new victim were estranged from their family?” Garcia asks worriedly. 

Spencer stands suddenly to pace. He vaguely registers the gazes of the three agents, but he starts mumbling to himself. 

Jocelyn was worried she was being watched or followed. But no communication with the unsub was found on her laptop or and her phone was missing. It was probably taken and/or broken. She was estranged from her family. The unsub planted a camera; he needed a way in to do so. He knew her entire schedule, but he took her when she was leaving Spencer’s house, a deviation from her schedule. That seems risky. The camera was in the living room, not the bedroom. Only after the camera was found did the unsub reach out to contact Spencer. Why Spencer? 

Spencer knows her entire schedule too. Suddenly, an incident comes to mind that Spencer had overlooked. He whirls around. “Garcia! Can you look for delivery men from businesses within the geographical comfort zone?”

“On it, kid genius!” Garcia is rushing away to her computers. 

“What are you thinking, Pretty boy?” Morgan asks. Prentiss snorts at the nickname.

“Who would Jocelyn let in when she was paranoid she was being stalked? And when would she let him in? Probably when I was there. There was a pizza delivery guy. When he arrived, Jocelyn let him in to wait while she went to get cash from the bedroom. The man told me he left his phone, and he was having car trouble and wanted to use my phone, so I went to grab it for him, and he must have planted the camera while I did. He must have gotten my name and contact information from my phone. That’s why he only reached out now when I was involved.” Spencer rambles quickly. Morgan is gazing at Spencer with an unreadable expression, but Prentiss is up and on the phone with the team. 

Garcia is doing her thing, so it’s only a matter of time before it is narrowed down. But Spencer is practically vibrating in his seat. It’s just Morgan and him in the room now. Spencer is too restless to stay still.

“That was really good work, Pretty boy. We’re gonna get this guy.” Morgan says, and he gives Spencer a resolute look. Morgan reaches for Spencer’s hand just like last time, and Spencer finds himself _wanting_ to hold his hand. Usually, physical contact is something that Spencer _lets_ other people do, not something he craves. But lately, Spencer’s hand is jumping into Morgan’s with less and less internal debate. That could be dangerous for Spencer’s poor heart.

  
  
  


Just like the time before, Morgan knew exactly when Spencer was spiraling.

While holding onto Morgan’s hand for dear life, Spencer remembers watching the _Lord of the Rings_ trilogy movies with Jocelyn. She had insisted that she was never going to read the books, even though they were Spencer’s childhood favorite. So they took a weekend to watch all three long-ass movies, with Spencer’s added commentary to explain the finer details of the world. 

Jocelyn and Spencer found themselves sobbing during the last movie, mainly because of Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins. Frodo made the journey for the triumph of good over evil. But Sam went along, no matter what, for Frodo.

The scene where Sam cradles Frodo’s body and cries, ‘ _Don’t leave me here alone! It’s your Sam calling. Don’t go where I can’t follow!’_ and the scene where Sam carries Frodo saying, ‘ _I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you.’_ and the scene where they cling together on a volcano erupting and Frodo says, ‘ _I’m glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee. Here at the end of all things.’_

Spencer feels like he did that night. He was yelling at Frodo when he gets on the boat with Gandalf and leaves the world. _You’re leaving your Sam! You’re going where he can’t follow!_

Jocelyn cried into his shoulder and mourned Frodo, _leaving Sam all alone!_ Jocelyn said that Frodo is disrespecting Sam’s commitment to him. “If anyone ever cared about me that way Sam cared for Frodo, I wouldn’t leave them for anything.”

“I care about you like that. You’re my Frodo.” Spencer had said. 

Jocelyn had smiled at him and said, “And you’re my Sam. It looks like we need to be together until the end of all things.”

Spencer feels like Jocelyn has left him here all alone.

Morgan tightens his grip on Spencer’s hand. Well, not completely alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spencer finally hangs with Penelope! And we are getting closer to catching the unsub so that's a plus. Sorry if the romance is turning into a really slow burn, it just be like that sometimes. 
> 
> Hope y'all are staying safe!


	8. Curiosity and a pair of eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope all is well with you. 
> 
> I quote a lot of things in this chapter and I don't own any of them! 
> 
> Also, disclaimer: there is some violence in this chapter but it's seriously mild and I also don't describe it in great detail. But you've been warned. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Spencer Reid had never had a real friend until Jocelyn came along. He didn’t know how to recognize friendship for a long time. Most of the time, people wanted to use him to get better grades, or they just felt bad for him. But Jocelyn actually wanted to spend time with him. When they first started hanging out, he was unsure exactly what was happening. 

She is two years older than him, in a public health master’s program. She is an only child as well, and she plays the piano because her parents were very strict and put a lot of pressure on her academically. She was initially pre-med but went her own way when she realized how much power she was giving her parents. 

It’s always shocking to Spencer that someone so amazing loves him. 

After about five months of friendship, Jocelyn and Spencer threw their first Pity Party. 

Jocelyn had gotten a rejection letter for her thesis idea, which, rude. And Spencer had been on his first date, but the guy had told him he was  _ a little off-putting, dude,  _ which was shattering to his already low self-esteem. So when Jocelyn came over to his place that night, they hit up a convenience store for junk food, sat in their pajamas, and watched  _ The Princess Bride  _ drinking wine. Then they crashed on his bed, and Jocelyn got chip crumbs everywhere. Jocelyn drunkenly confessed that she thought he was attractive and that if he was a woman or non-binary that she’d be into it. Spencer told her that he thought she was one of the smartest people he’s ever met and one of the nicest, and that’s what’s important. 

The next morning was rough. They had seen each other waking up with messy hair, bagged eyes, and terrible breath. Spencer had groaned and stumbled to get a glass of water. Jocelyn ran to the bathroom to vomit; they both took an Advil, and Spencer laid on the bathroom floor while she was in the shower, and then they switched positions when she got out. Jocelyn convinced him to get breakfast with her, and she borrowed his clothes when they went out. They both wore sweat pants and had their hair in a bun. Spencer borrowed her very feminine sunglasses, and she said he looked like a lesbian. 

After spending the next morning together in their hang-over, and after Spencer held Jocelyn’s hair back as she threw up, it seemed like their friendship had solidified. 

After that night, sometimes Jocelyn would call him on her walk home just to have someone to talk to. And Pity Parties became a thing. Spencer would tell Jocelyn things he hadn’t thought he’d tell anyone. 

Spencer’s adult life just became so different from his childhood.

======================================

Spencer remembers getting on the city bus after school when he was 13, it was a sweltering day in Las Vegas, and his jeans were sitting heavily on his hips. But he had a mission that afternoon.

He and his mom were getting progressively more broke the longer time went on after his dad left. They had savings, and Spencer regularly paid rent for their house, but his mother no longer can work because she has trouble remembering things. She’s being paid unemployment, but that is mostly going towards rent, and Spencer is going to public school, so they don’t have very many expenses. 

But last week, during an episode, his mother had broken a window, and the repair was expensive. And the air conditioning keeps freezing over, and they need a working air conditioner in Las Vegas, and Spencer doesn’t really know shit about air conditioners. They are hemorrhaging money they don’t have. 

So Spencer is out of money for groceries this week. Spencer usually has a system for their weekly budget. He had stolen his mother’s debit card and frozen it and requested a new one where he changed her pin to something she didn’t know, so if she did ever try to use it for something irresponsible, like that one time she tried to buy a boat, she would be unsuccessful. (he leaves cash in the house just in case there’s an emergency, though.) He had budgeted the money they need for groceries, and he goes shopping after school on Fridays, but today has to be a little different. 

He conned one of the upperclassmen into giving him a fake ID by promising to give him the answers to a history test. (Spencer has no intention of helping someone cheat, he’s just going to give the idiot his study guide, and he’ll probably get as good a grade that way if he had taken the time to memorize the answers.)

Spencer is going to a casino, and he’s going to win some grocery money. 

None of the casinos were going to legitimately believe that he was 21 years old. He was 13, and a  _ young _ 13 at that. He had a real baby face and big dorky glasses, and he had just gotten his braces off (so that was a plus), but otherwise, he was short and slight, and the bouncers were going to think he was joking. 

So Spencer was going to the less reputable casinos, the ones that might notice he’s a kid and ignore it because  _ money is money. _ And the house always wins anyway. 

He planned to win small, cash out, and go to the next gross casino on his list, and repeat. This will avoid raising suspicion and may let him actually come back again if he needs to. He may need to lose at one casino or one game at a couple just to keep it safe. 

Spencer hops off the bus a little ways from downtown near the arts district and ignores the swarm of drunk tourists while he goes to his first hit. The seedy casinos have seedier customers, and Spencer has to trot past some meandering prostitutes on his way. When he reaches the bouncer at the first casino, the guy barely even glances at Spencer’s ID before letting him in.

Spencer has been to a casino before, but this is the first time he’s completely alone. 

When his dad was still around, he’d sometimes take Spencer out with him to gamble. 

It’s mainly just loud and bright. He’s a little overwhelmed, but he sits at a blackjack table and does his thing. He gets some raised eyebrows but nothing drastic, and he accomplishes what he set out to. He loses a game, wins a game, loses some of what he just won, and cashes out. He’s starting to feel a little powerful. It’s actually so easy to navigate the system like this. Counting cards is a true gift. 

He repeats the process a few times, making sure to lose more at one casino, so he has to settle up before he leaves. Spencer’s made a few hundred dollars, enough for groceries and maybe some for the next time the air conditioner freezes over. He goes straight to the grocery store from the casino because he doesn’t want to travel with so much cash. He buys some extra groceries and gives them to a homeless man he sees hanging out on a bench. It makes him feel a little less guilty about how he got the money. 

It becomes kind of a routine for Spencer. When he needs money, this is his system. Lather, rinse, repeat. Eventually, he’s banned from all the casinos, but by then, he can get a part-time job, and the system saved their butts. 

Now that Spencer is an adult, he looks back on his former self and thinks,  _ what a little disaster.  _ Jocelyn likes to comment about how  _ chaotic  _ he was. She would say, “For someone who comes across so careful and awkward, you’re kinda just a wild child.”

And he still radiates chaotic energy. He’s responsible about things because he had to be, but he’s always been too smart for his own good. He knows too much to just accept things, and can use his knowledge pretty easily for his own gain. 

In most situations, socially or otherwise, Spencer is one step behind and also confused. He almost always has good and virtuous intentions. But one time out of ten, he’s really just scheming. 

So he sends his bully a rotten steak in the mail like a mob boss and counts cards at a casino with a fake ID he lied to get. But he drew the line at helping a senior cheat on a test.

He’d over-analyze that if he could muster up the will to give a shit. 

His intelligence and general cunning nature are in such contradiction to his personality that he’s not surprised his brief foray into dating had gone so badly. No one knows what to do with him. 

======================================

Spencer is still holding Morgan’s hand across the conference room table when Prentiss comes back in. If she notices them holding hands, she doesn’t indicate it, but honestly, it would be hard not to notice.

Their fingers are linked in the middle of the table; Spencer had stopped his anxiety spiral and was absently reading a book with his other hand until she came in. Spencer was almost regretting not sitting on the same side as Morgan because leaning up against his side and maybe resting his cheek on Morgan’s shoulder sounded like a great idea. Simply  _ immaculate _ . 

Morgan’s hand twitches in Spencer’s hold when Prentiss walks in like he wanted to hide the fact that they were touching. That is kind of a blow to Spencer’s gay yearning, but when he tries to pull his hand back, Morgan tightens his grip and shoots him an apologetic look. 

Prentiss doesn’t say anything, she just sits down and takes one of Spencer’s books to read. Apparently, there’s no news yet. So, Spencer just hyper focuses on his book and starts reading at his top speed. 

“Can you actually read that fast?” Prentiss says, staring at his fingers flipping the page, and running down the lines. 

Spencer bites his lip but nods. “Yes, I can read 20,000 words per minute if I’m hyper-focused, but I generally stop to think after about a page of prose, so it can sometimes vary. Humans are actually capable of processing much more information than you realize; it’s just mostly filtered out. I have some sensory problems, but the upside of that is I can process information faster. Although sometimes I get sensory overload. Jocelyn called them my loud days.” 

Morgan squeezes his hand but doesn’t look up from his phone. He seems to be attempting to text one-handed. Spencer finds it comforting that he is listening but not focused on Spencer. Sometimes being the focus of someone’s gaze is overwhelming. 

Prentiss seems impressed, and she asks, “What’s your favorite fiction book?”

“Watership Down.” Spencer laughs when Prentiss does a double-take. “‘ _ Rabbits need dignity, and above all, the will to accept their fate. _ ’ What about you?”

Prentiss is smiling wildly, “Impressive. It’s gotta be Mother Night for me. ‘ _ We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.’” _

Spencer giggles when she quotes the book. But has to add his own addition. “‘ _ All people are insane. They will do anything at any time, and God help anyone who looks for reasons.’” _

Prentiss laughs. “That’s our job! Looking for the reasons.”

Spencer smirks. “May God help you, then.”

Morgan finally glances up at Prentiss's laugh and gives Spencer a searching look. He files away Morgan's scrutiny to study at a later time when it doesn't make his stomach turn over. 

Morgan clears his throat to add, "' _ There was nothing left of him but curiosity and a pair of eyes.'" _

Prentiss laughs again, giddily. "We are all such nerds!"

But something about how Morgan looked at him when he quoted Vonnegut made Spencer think he was trying to say something else. Spencer smiles awkwardly and glances away. 

Morgan's phone vibrates, and he's quick to check the caller ID. 

"It's Garcia," Morgan answers and puts the phone on speaker. "Hey Baby Girl, what've you got?"

"Hi, honey! So the genius was on to something; I found a pizza delivery worker, Joseph Humphry, who fits the profile; he was not working on the days the girls were taken, but when I looked into the phone records, each girl had called this place for a delivery about a month before their disappearance, and he was working each night. JJ just called to tell me they found another camera at the new Vic's apartment as well."

Spencer leaned forward and tightened his grip on Morgan's hand. "Is there an event in this guy's past that may indicate a trauma similar to the one he's inflicting on his victims?"

"You are right on the money, baby. Get this; little Joe was raised by a single mother who was abusive in every sense of the word. Joe was constantly in the hospital. Social services were called, and they found little Joe locked in a trunk in the basement as 'time out.'"

"He's most likely doing the same to the women he takes. They are surrogates for his mother." Prentiss adds on.

"Is his mother alive?" Spencer asks with trepidation. 

"Right again, you really are a genius. She died four months before the first murder, of brain cancer." Garcia concludes.

"That's his trigger." Morgan grits out. "We got an address?"

"Already sent. Hotch just got back to you, take him with you, but JJ and Rossi are closer now."

"You got it; you're the best baby." Morgan hangs up and releases Spencer's hand. Spencer's hand feels cold now, and he flexes it. 

Morgan and Prentiss stand and move to the door but stop when Spencer stands as well. 

"You can't come into the field," Prentiss says gently. 

Spencer lets out an  _ ugh _ of frustration and exclaims, "I have to go with you! Don't leave me here!" and his voice breaks on the last word, which makes his eyes sting from embarrassment. 

Morgan sighs but says, "You. You are going to stay in the car, you hear me?"

"I hear you! Let's go, please."

And Morgan has tensed up again with his jaw clenched. He's talking in crisper sentences, and he's moving through the bullpen with purpose. Spencer and Prentiss stride in his wake and motion to Hotch to follow when they see him. Then they are seated in the car and speeding through the streets with the lights and siren on. 

Spencer has to start counting. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. He's so close to seeing her again. He's excited and endlessly nervous, and there's a pit in his stomach. Thankfully, no one is talking because he honestly doesn't know how hysterical he would sound if he opened his mouth right now. 

The agents start putting on their FBI vests and squaring up for a fight. It's twenty minutes of anxious silence, disturbed only by Spencer's own pulse pounding in his ears and the siren being obnoxious until they reach Joseph Humphry's house. 

It's a one-story bungalow, with a fair amount of land, bordering a local park with the river used as a dump site at its back. The pizza delivery car marked with the name of the restaurant sits in the driveway. There's already a black FBI vehicle parked on the street, and they can see JJ and Rossi suiting up. Hotch pulls in behind the other vehicle, and the agents hop out. Hotch turns around and throws Spencer a stern glance that says  _ stay in the car, or else.  _

Spencer clenches his hands together.  _ Is Jocelyn in there? Is she alive?  _

All the thoughts he had been avoiding start to run through his brain intrusively. What would he do without her? What will she be like if she's alive? Is she mad at him? Is she hurt? 

Spencer shakes his head.  _ Don't think about it. Don't think.  _ Spencer starts reciting a passage from his favorite book just to keep his mind busy.

He sees Hotch motion to JJ and Prentiss, and they start to make their way behind the house. Morgan is knocking on the door and, when there's no answer, kicks the door down. Then the agents are in; their guns held out in front of them. 

A few anxious minutes later and Spencer hears a siren. Eventually, an ambulance pulls up to their street and parks near him. But the paramedics are just loitering around the vehicle, not moving into the house. So that's a good sign? 

One of the paramedics hears something on their radio and motions to the other two. They get a stretcher from the back of the ambulance, and one grabs a first aid bag. Then they move swiftly towards the house, carrying the stretcher between them. Two cops appear holding a cuffed Joseph Humphry between them. 

_ This is actual torture; I can't stay here for one more second.  _ So he doesn't. He pops the door to the car, and it's like he can hear again, and he didn't even notice his ears were ringing. 

Spencer sprints towards the house without really thinking about what he'd find in there, just knowing that if he didn't do something  _ right now _ , he'd lose his mind.

The inside of the house looks like a grandmother's dream. There is rose-covered wall-paper and lace doilies and at least two vases full of flowers. It's like Joseph's mother still lives here. Spencer imagines that Joseph was responsible for the cleanliness of the house. 

Knowing what he does about the case, Spencer makes his way to the basement, by-passing some loitering cops. He almost trips down the stairs but maintains his balance miraculously. 

Spencer turns around a column to a dank basement, two large trunks with big metal locks and protruding nails stand in the middle of the room. JJ seems to be helping the newest abductee out of one of the trunks. She seems shaky, and she's crying but otherwise is moving fine. Spencer's eyes scan the room for Jocelyn and he sees the paramedics clumped around a figure on the floor. 

He makes his way toward them, and he hears the most lovely sound he's ever heard in his entire life. 

"Don't fucking touch me, asshole! Get away from me! Don't touch me!" Jocelyn is screaming at the paramedics. She's on the ground with a knife in her stomach and what looks like a broken arm. Prentiss and Morgan are trying to calm her down by talking to her soothingly, but Jocelyn is snarling and tries to kick the closest paramedic to her. "If you try to touch me one more time, I swear to God-"

"Jocelyn?" Spencer's voice is weak as fuck, but Jocelyn hears him anyway, and she stops thrashing. She looks up at him, and her face is thinner than he remembers, and her hair is a rat's nest. There are dark circles under her eyes, and she's bleeding where the knife wound is. 

She's never looked so beautiful. Spencer's vision is blurring, and he realizes he's crying. 

"Spence. Spencer. You found me." Jocelyn is sinking to lay down, and Spencer lands hard on his knees by her head. He reaches out tentatively to touch her cheek, and  _ she's real; this isn't a dream.  _ "You found me; it's okay."

"I can't believe you're comforting me right now. Shut up and let the paramedics look at you, idiot." Spencer's voice is shot, but he laughs croakily. Then he reaches under her and scoots forward to lay her head in his lap. 

She sighs and nods, closes her eyes tiredly. Like she was only staying awake until he got here. Like she can stop fighting now that he's arrived. "I'm glad to be with you, Spencer Reid. Here at the end of all things."

He strokes her hair and sobs—curls forward over her body with the force of it. "Don't leave me here all alone. Don't go where I can't follow."

Jocelyn smiles wearily, but she says firmly, "I would  _ never _ ."

The paramedics are fluttering around them, but Jocelyn seems to be sinking into a dose, and Spencer is hitching his breath and staring at her face. 

Then they try to move her to the stretcher, and they must have said something, but Spencer didn't hear it, so he's clutching her and shaking his head. 

Someone grabs Spencer and pulls him back against a warm chest with strong unyielding arms. The person holding him is taking exaggerated breaths against Spencer's back like they are reminding him to breathe, and he knows it's Morgan. 

Then Morgan is guiding him behind the paramedics and Jocelyn on the stretcher. He's kind of in a daze, but it feels right to not lose sight of her. When they reach the ambulance, Spencer hops in the back (read: Morgan has to help him in), and he watches them strap an oxygen mask on her face. The knife is still in there, probably to prevent excessive hemorrhaging. 

Morgan is looking him in the eye sternly and is saying, "We'll meet you at the hospital; we're right behind you."

  
Then they slam the doors, and they are speeding away with the sirens on.  _ She's alive. She's here. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Jocelyn is found!   
> Also, I'm going to do a quick interlude in Morgan's POV again because Spencer is the king of denial so writing romance with him is rough. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it, stay safe!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think! Should I continue?


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